You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
