Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will pee on everything he values.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
