I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize