i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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