Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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