i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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