We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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