she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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