i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
