Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
