Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
