Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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