thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize