oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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