it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize