So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize