and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
