That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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