Don't you send me to vm
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
