I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
