I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
