Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
