What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize