i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
