ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
