nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
