wrigley field is MILF paradise
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
