Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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