i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
