dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
