We're like a lot better than the average bears
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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