I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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