I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize