We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
