While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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