Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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