This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
