If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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