Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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