There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
