He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
