I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
