I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
