i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
