How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
