can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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