she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
