I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
