Can i not drive my cunt home
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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