So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
