dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
