I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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