nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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