totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
