I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
