Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
