Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
