This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
