Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
