Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
