dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
