I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need water and some morals
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
