I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
