i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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