Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
