anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
