i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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