You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
