is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
