We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
