i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
