i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
