i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
