He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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