Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
