finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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