dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize