Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
