Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
