so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
