the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
