As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
