you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
