I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
