already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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