She is in my trunk
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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