You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
