we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
