first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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