Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
