wanna go halves on a baby?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
