I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
