haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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