the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
