I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
