I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
