I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
