his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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