i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
