i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My penis needs a shock collar
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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