So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
